Understanding Attachment Styles: Discover Yours and How It Affects Your Relationships
Understanding your attachment style – and why we all have one – can provide valuable insights into your interpersonal dynamics.
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Brief History of Attachment Theory
The concept of Attachment Theory emerged in the mid-20th century through the work of John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth. Drawing from research on animal imprinting, Bowlby proposed that the early emotional bonds formed between young children and their primary caregivers are crucial for psychological development. He theorized that these early attachments, whether healthy or unhealthy, lay the foundation for relationships throughout one’s life. Specifically, Bowlby suggested that having a predictable, reliable emotional attachment to a caregiver sets a child up for ongoing relational success; on the contrary, having an unpredictable, unreliable attachment to a primary caregiver can lead to relational challenges throughout life. Ainsworth’s influential research helped further define and expand upon Bowlby’s attachment theory by identifying distinct attachment styles.
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What is My Attachment Style?
Attachment research has identified four primary attachment styles. Exploring the causes and behavioural patterns of each style can provide useful insight into your unique attachment.
Secure Attachment
- Causes: Children with caregivers who are consistently loving and responsive develop this style. They feel safe and supported.
- Behavioural Patterns: Securely attached individuals communicate openly, trust those with whom they are close, are comfortable with closeness, and can handle conflicts calmly. They seek help when needed and are supportive of others.
Anxious/Preoccupied Attachment
- Causes: This style often develops when caregivers are inconsistent—sometimes very loving, other times distant. This leads to confusion about whether or not love and attention will be available when it is needed.
- Behavioural Patterns: Anxiously attached individuals often cling to partners, worry about being abandoned, and frequently seek reassurance. They may overanalyze their partner’s actions and may feel anxious if they don’t get immediate responses.
Avoidant/Dismissive Attachment
- Causes: Children with caregivers who are emotionally distant or neglectful tend to develop this style. Rather than seeking comfort from others, they learn to rely on themselves.
- Behavioural Patterns: Avoidantly attached individuals tend to keep emotional distance in relationships, avoid intimacy, and may downplay the importance of closeness. They often seem self-sufficient but struggle to express their feelings or needs.
Fearful-Avoidant/Disorganized Attachment
- Causes: This style often arises from trauma or inconsistent, chaotic caregiving. Children may both fear their caregivers and desire closeness.
- Behavioural Patterns: Individuals with disorganized attachment might act confused in relationships, wanting to get close but then pulling away out of fear. Their reactions can be unpredictable, and they may struggle with trust, often feeling overwhelmed by their emotions.
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How Can I Help?
Don’t be discouraged if you have an insecure attachment style – these patterns are not set in stone. Thanks to neuroplasticity, your attachment style can shift over time with the right support. It’s possible to earn secure attachment by cultivating strong interpersonal relationships, learning emotion regulation skills, building self-awareness, practicing vulnerability, setting boundaries, and navigating conflict effectively. Many of these skills can be practiced and refined through therapy, where a therapist can serve as a surrogate attachment figure and provide a safe space to process and heal emotional wounds.
If you or someone you know is interested in exploring insecure attachment patterns and moving towards earned secure attachment, I encourage you to reach out. I would be honoured to support you on your journey towards more secure attachment.
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Learn More
If you’re curious to learn more about your own attachment patterns, here are a few resources to help you understand your attachment style:
Attachment Style Quiz | Take Our Free Attachment Style Test (personaldevelopmentschool.com)