9 Steps to Regulate Your Emotions: Tips for Daily Life
It’s easy to get caught up in the demands of daily life – work, chores, maintaining physical needs, social commitments, and other external obligations. In the midst of life’s busyness, it’s easy to ignore the inner world. However, if stress persists or emotions go unaddressed, they will eventually demand attention.
Generally speaking, people are not taught to recognize and manage their emotions. Without this skill, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by intense feelings. If emotions are suppressed over time, they can manifest as stress, anxiety, depression, and other physical and mental problems.
Learning to process emotions takes time and intention, but the long-term benefits are worth it! Allowing emotions to arise and pass will likely help you feel more at ease in your daily life. This will help you make big and small decisions from a grounded, authentic space rather than from a reactive or shut down place.
If you’re new to this, it may feel challenging. Reach out to me if you’d like support as you learn to navigate your emotions. I’d love to help you through this process so that you can start to feel more confident in yourself!
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Here are 9 steps to help you regulate your emotions like a pro!
- Find a safe, quiet place
Whether outside in nature, cozied up on a couch with a cup of something soothing, soaking in the bath, or with someone you love, put yourself in a physical space that feels safe and grounding.
- Ground yourself in the present
When you’re in a quiet place, take a few deep, slow breaths. Visually scan your surroundings. Let yourself feel supported by the structure beneath you. This sends safety signals to your body and helps your nervous system understand that although emotions or sensations may feel like a lot, threat is not imminent. If at any point you start to feel overwhelmed, come back to this step.
- Give yourself permission to feel
Adopt an attitude of curiosity towards your internal experience. Resist the desire to judge it, fear it, or force it to move on. What you are experiencing has important information for you! It may be uncomfortable, but it will not harm you. Our bodies want to reestablish equilibrium, so when given permission to arise, any discomfort will not last forever. Allow it to come just as naturally as a wave rolling to shore.
- Tune into your body
Slowly scan your body from head to toe and take note of any sensation. Check for tension, heaviness, agitation, warmth, or coolness. Notice your heartbeat, your rate of perspiration, and your breath, noting any quickness or discomfort.
- Name the emotion that accompanies the sensation
There are 7 core emotions: sadness, anger, fear, disgust, sexual excitement, excitement, and joy. As you stay with the sensation, try to name one or two (or maybe three) of these core emotions. Notice which emotion feels strongest.
- Listen
Ask the sensation/emotion what it wants to tell you and patiently wait for a response. Whereas the logical brain thinks quickly, it often takes about 20 – 30 seconds to become aware of what the body wants to communicate. Take your time with this step.
- Stay
Give yourself lots of space to stay with the information that is emerging. Breathe through it; continue to listen as it shifts. It may be helpful to treat the internal experience as if it is another person. Talk with it, let it know you hear it; attune to what it’s saying. Be gentle with it. Stay with the internal experience until it starts to resolve.
- Savour
As it resolves, notice the new sensations that emerge in the body. Perhaps you feel lighter, calmer, more alert, stronger, or more connected to yourself. Savour the wisdom that comes as you listen to and stay with the internal experience.
- If necessary, take action
As the wave of emotion passes and you begin to feel calmer, notice if the emotion wants you to do anything. For example, sadness might want you to seek out comfort. Anger might want you to assert yourself or stand up to injustice. Fear might want you to find safety. Disgust might want you to avoid unsafe or repulsive situations. Sexual excitement might want you to (safely, and always with consent) explore a fantasy. Excitement and joy might want to be expressed or shared with others.
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And there you have it! 9 steps to help you regulate your emotions. If you or someone you know would like help learning to process emotions, either reach out for a free 15-minute consultation to see if we might be a good fit or, if you’re ready to dive in, book a session with me!